And my cock! Fucking hell on sourdough, that's what I say! What the fucking hell?! I'm erect, or at least I used to be. My body is winding down from some super full blown erection. Am I going mad?! What's so sexy about carrying two heavy suitcases in a dank summer night and then having my hands explode in freezer burn? Was I daydreaming? I try to remember what I was thinking about just before my hands did their deep freezer routine on me. And then ... And then...I cry out in absolute terror and stagger. Fortunately my flashback now is as brief as ever. It almost gives me a glimpse of an infinite horror but then my mind pushes the nightmare away. But I don't want to stand here anymore. I feel too exposed. I am vulnerable, and I absolutely don't have the guts to stay here. After gingerly testing the weight of my two suitcases again, I resume my march. I take another three steps, and then my wrists leave me crying in agony. My mental defenses fail in the intense pain and I am swept back. The nurse returned with a syringe. “Okay, dear -- roll over ... uh-oh, time to lose the briefs.”Mae tugged under the covers and handed me her briefs, then she rolled onto her side. The nurse lifted her gown. “You’ll feel a pinch ... done.”“What was that?” I asked.“Just something to relax her and take away some of the anxiety. We’ll take her into the O.R. shortly.”I sat and held her hand. “Now are you scared?” I asked.“A little.”I watched her face relax and her eyelids droop. “You’re feeling the drug, aren’t you?”“Hard to keep my eyes open...”The door opened and a pair of orderlies wheeled in the gurney. They slid Mae onto it, one of them minding the I.V. line, lifted guard rails and wheeled her down the corridor.I paced the waiting room. One of the nurses passed through and spotted me. “Hang in there,” she said. “Maybe you’d like to go to the commissary for a sandwich.”“I don’t have an appetite.”I plopped in a chair. Exhaustion had set in about an hour earlier, but every time I.
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